The more time I spend away from New York the less attractive the idea of returning there to live and work seems.

Know for sure that there's no way I will be there around the time of the convention and I've invited a couple friends to get the hell out with me. We'll be way in the country, away from it all. Just in case.

When I learned that the industrial building in which I'd lived for the last decade had been sold and would be demolished toward another apartment building I thought that moving across the rivers from Brooklyn to New Jersey would quell enough of the underlying angst that accompanied continuing news of the "when not if" of deadly attacks on New York to make it possible to continue to live in the area. Thought that living west of the center of the target would make me feel more at ease. Without at least two bridges and/or tunnels between me and the mainland I could reunite with family - even walking - within a week. It helped somewhat to know that the building into which I'd moved had at one time been a civil defense shelter with its five-foot thick poured concrete roof, twelve-inch walls and multiple sub-basements, but then realized how deep the anxiety was to have found relief in that knowledge.

The world has grown so complex that I can no longer get my mind around it. Too many things I believed to be true have been watered down or evaporated. By many accounts one cannot trust anyone or anything.

This depth of cynicism ultimately produces stasis, and when atoms stop moving that is death.

When you can't believe anything, you are unable to form opinions that are foundations for action.

We can no longer be affectionate with one another in the workplace. We can't conscionably exchange body fluid. Befriending strangers is dangerous for any number of reasons. Parents can't take their eyes off their children for a minute for fear of what might happen - either at the hands of a wacko stranger, a family member, teacher, priest, or fear of government prosecution for negligence. Another generation of kids is growing up feeling comfortable being observed and inspected 24/7. Probable cause, habeas corpus are out the window.

Where comfort?

Where freedom?

If oil-makers hold us hostage then find alternative energy. Quickly.

If the need for things holds us hostage to work, then need fewer things.

If fear holds us hostage to the television, get rid of fear.

Say it, "I am not afraid."

The only thing we can control is our attitude.

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